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1. 

   Roger

   101 Kudos

   08/03/08

   Man i used to feel the extreme depression but it seems like i am desensitized to it. I've learned that depression is just a state of mind. If your dopamine levels are low you will be depressed. Your mind is very very powerful. I tried so hard to make that shit but some power beyond my control kept me from ever accomplishing anything like my mother. I feel so bad for what i've caused them. My dad was going to call the cops on me for trying to manufacture it and i flipped out and hit my dad and kept him from dialing 911... I would NEVER hit my dad sober. I was so scared man.. And now im paying for the stupid mistakes by not wearing any respirator or anything and messing with the solvents and stuff.. I'm almost sure id be in jail or dead if i got it down.
   
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2. 

   Roger

   101 Kudos

   08/02/08

   I know it is good to hear from other recovering addicts too. Sometimes it feels like your all alone in your battle. Like I find i have to choose my words carefully when talking to relatives and family about it otherwise they think im crazy hahaha. I used to be able to sleep long periods of time. I used to snort it heavilly and stayed up for crazy long periods of time. I bet that has somethin to do with my internal clock being really messed up. Im thinking about joining the armed forces maybe that'll help me get some structure in my life by forcing me to wake up and sleep at certain times. Do u think that would be a good idea?
   
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   08/02/08

   Reply from snookerstar:

   I totally agree with everything you said!
   I have totally cut ALL my junkie friends out of my life. As a result, though, I too feel totally lonely. The only other people I know are my family. They do not understand what coming off meth is like. I cannot even tell them how I am feeling because they would not understand. One thing I have been dying to tell someone is that I miss my girlfriend, Ruthie, more than anything. She is still a meth dealer though, so I cannot speak to her. Also, she is probably so tweaked by now, that she would not be the same person I remember anyway. I hope that made sense.
   At night time, I still (out of habit) feel as though I should be out on the street dealing, because that is what I had become sooooo used to. At night, looking out into the cold darkness I still see the street as more my home than my own bedroom. I am still not used to sleeping normal hours - so even though I sleep a lot, most of it is during the day.
   Which gets me to my last point. I am trying to get a job at the moment, to help me get back into a "normal" routine. Because I have not worked in a long time it is going to be hard for me to get a job. I too have looked into joining the army, I think for the same reasons as you. I think it is a GREAT idea.
   I am going to try to join if I cannot get a normal job in the next couple of weeks.
   Just remember that you are doing great in your recovery and that everything should improve in its own time. And stay in touch!
   Best of luck,
   snooky

3. 

   Roger

   101 Kudos

   07/31/08

   Man its crazy isn't it? Do u have any sleeping problems after quitting meth? Any suggestions on what to do?
   
   -- Roger
   
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